My Way
Because the right way isn’t always the right way.
We’re talking about something dear to my heart today. It’s dear to my heart because I’ve always loved doing things my way. Not because I don’t like how others do things, but rather because this is my life and I want to do it my way.
Unfortunately life isn’t kind enough to let me do everything the way that I would like to, but I’ve mostly gotten past that now. Wouldn’t we all love to live life on our own terms; that’s what this essay is about. Learning to remind yourself that it’s ok to do things your way, even if your way isn’t, in quotations “the best way.”
It all depends on what you’re looking for.
My Way Is Often the Right Way
However truthful I feel this statement is, I also feel that I need to make a disclaimer before going any further. My way is the right way, but not always. Sometimes your way definitely isn’t the right way, such as when your manager is specifically asking you to do something in a certain way, then your way is definitely the wrong way. Or when you know you need to do something and you just don’t do it because you prefer not to and then all hell breaks loose, then your way probably wasn’t the right way.
What I’m trying to get at here is that there is a time and a place to put your needs and desires at the forefront. Sometimes the world can get screwed and you’re free to do as you please, and other times your best course of action is going to be to listen to someone else. If the guy tells you not to touch the lever, then probably best to not touch the lever, if you see what I’m saying.
But, there are going to be times in life when there’s no one around to tell you what to do, or even when the people around you have no good reason to be telling you how to live your life. Like painting a painting, who deserves to have their opinion above yours in such a circumstance? It’s your painting, paint it however you please.
I have the right to paint my painting with my nose as the brush should I decide to, nobody else’s business. There’s no right and wrong in this circumstance, there’s just your way. If you would enjoy yourself more by fixing the paint brush to the wall and painting by holding the canvas in your hands, then go for it.
It all comes back to what you’re looking for.
Where It All Began
I was an adventurous child, and I’m an adventurous adult too. Which one had it more? I’m still not sure. The point is that as a kid I liked messing around with stuff: dangerous, safe, quiet, and loud; whatever I could get my hand on was good enough for me.
I grew up with a shed, a shed filled with all kinds of weird and wonderful contraptions useful for all kinds of odd and interesting projects. The only problem was that I didn’t know the first thing about making things, in fact I was often much more of a destruction kid than a construction kid. Fortunately though I did find all these contraptions interesting and often spent my weekends in and out of the shed messing around with tools and attempting to make things if not outright destroying them. Sometimes even destroying the tools too.
My dad was a part of this process, however he had the wisdom of years passed and knew that I wasn’t going to get far with my constructions going about things the way I was. He made an effort to teach me the right way to use these tools, something I appreciate now that I’m an adult, however not something I was interested in at the time.
The key difference is that now that I’m an adult I actually want to make things, things that cost me time, money, and effort. Doing things the “right” way makes more sense now because what I’m looking for is more than just to explore tools and mess around as my child self, I’m actually trying to achieve something specific.
Child me had very different goals. Child me wanted to mess around and learn and try new things. I wasn’t interested in spending my own money or building something fit for purpose, I just wanted to spend my weekend playing with all the tools in the shed and seeing what I could come up with. My goal was more about exploration, and when considering that, doing things any way other than my way didn’t make sense.
I wasn’t trying to learn how to use a tool properly, or measure an accurate angle, or cut something to the correct length, or even learn about safe use of equipment (although that would probably have been a good one to look into). The point I’m making is that being able to do things my way was all about being able to actually achieve what I wanted to achieve. And when my goal was to explore the shed and try and make things with the tools I found, whether what I created was any good or not wasn’t so much a consideration of mine.
I was just happy to be doing things my way. Which is why it was always so frustrating to me when people told me how to do things. They didn’t understand that I had no desire to learn how to do things “the right way” because I was happy doing things my way. If messing around didn’t get me what I was looking for, I would eventually ask for help.
The Philosophy of My Way
There’s no shame in doing things your way. Assuming you’re in the appropriate circumstances to do that, really it would be silly to do it any other way; at least I think so anyway.
I think it’s easy to fall into the trap of doing things “the best way”, or the “most efficient” way, or the “fastest” way. It’s not hard to come up with all sorts of reasons why something should be done a certain way. Take for example, driving to the shops. With Google and Apple maps we often just default to taking the quickest route. Obviously not a bad thing, most of the time we probably do just want the shortest drive, but what if you don’t?
Would it be ok to not take the shortest way? or the quickest way? or the tried-and-true way? or the, dare I say it, “right” way? Would it be ok to take your way regardless of these variables? I think so. In fact I’ve done it plenty of times, driving an intentionally longer route just because I wanted a change of scenery. I felt that I would be happier if I went a different way, so I ignored the quickest way and just went my way.
This logic applies to everything. You don’t have to do things a certain way just because that’s the way everyone thinks you should, you’re free to innovate. Take your time, mess it up, remake it, or skip it all together. Do it your way.
In fact there is no way. There’s just your way and someone else’s way. You’ve got to know which one to use and when, otherwise you’ll get yourself into big trouble, but otherwise you’re free to do as you please. You may even find that you would like to do things “the right way” after trying your way. But the beauty of trying is that you don’t really know until you give it a go.
If you live your life always doing things “the right way,” how will you even know if it’s actually the right way? You’ll live your life based on the views of others assuming that they are correct without really knowing for yourself. But when you try things your way, you’ll find out for yourself whether the right way is really the right way or not.
Life is an experiment and if you don’t play your own game then you’ll live life never knowing what’s really true. You’ll have to accept that what others say is good enough, something I could never do. I’m happier to try it my way and screw it up then to just do it “the right way” to begin with. Sometimes I come around, other times I don’t. Sometimes the right way is indeed the right way, other times it isn’t. But you’ll never truly know the right way until you also try it your way.
Sometimes I’m just happy to do it the crappy way, what does “the right way” have to say about that? Sometimes imperfect, half done, funky looking, weird tasting, strange sounding, long driving, extra stopping, is the path to what I want. Maybe I want it done wrong? Who’s to say?
Often the “right way” is the wrong way, so dare to do it your way.
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